Thursday, December 22, 2011

Hair Intimacy

     Personally, I find hair intimacy important in a relationship. Growing up, I was taught the importance of good hair hygiene and it was hammered into my head never to share a comb with anyone. These were the rules to good heath; clip your nails, never share a toothbrush or a comb, brush your teeth. I remember recoiling in horror when I discovered that my boyfriend had accidentally used my toothbrush. I contemplated throwing it away. I have never shared a brush or a comb with anyone besides family. When I used to go get my braids done, I brought along my own tools.. So it is a big deal when strangers reach out for a pat.  

Without my braids

     What do I mean by intimately? I mean getting to the roots of your hair; touching your scalp (yay head rubs!), knowing the way the hair works and accepting the hair in whatever form. In my previous relationship, the man said that he preferred straightened hair in general. Clearly, we were doomed from the start. At the beginning of my current (and marvelous heh heh) relationship, I remember refusing to be seen because my hair was only halfway done with braids. At this point of our relationship, he was watched me take out my braids. He has seen the nasty nature of the way hair gets after two months in braids. Clumps and all. He has helped me put in braids. He has washed my hair. And I insist on head rubs just about every day.

     The thing is, there is a trust. You trust someone with something you take pride in. And they trust you because well . . . you have a clean scalp lol. It would be nasty to tell a guy to rub your head when your scalp is all kinds of dirty and flaky.

     Personally speaking, I don’t understand how someone can be truly intimate with a woman who has a weave. I mean, he is touching all parts of your body except for you head! Nonetheless, if a woman has a weave, it is the partner who needs to understand that a weave must not be pulled at . . . and he or she should accept the weave wearing girlfriend (or boyfriend. Hey, it happens). If you’re bald, then your partner must know that head rubs feel damn good. If you have braids, he or she should know not to pull at it when you just got them in! Hair intimacy to me is the comforts of wearing your hair around your partner anyway you see fit and not being judged by it. Hair intimacy is loving your hair and having someone love it too in whatever state that it is in and however often the style changes.

My fine bobo and I


  1. Gorgeous!
    And absolutely brilliant topic too.
    I raised this with another blogger recently and it would appear that we, as the bearers of natural hair, need to educate our other halves in regards to what makes

  2. Yesh.

  3. I totally. There is definitely a trust that needs to be gained when involved in an intimate relationship with someone else. Because frankly, if I wasn't comfortable with my hair, the lover boy wouldn't be too. So, yes hair intimacy is loving your hair and sharing that all that hair love with your boo.

  4. I agree. I have become more self-accepting since I started a more intimate relationship with my hair.

  5. So true and very well put. It's funny because my fiance will come to me and insist on rubbing my head or scratching my scalp before wash day. I guess he knows my schedule, lol. I love it, accepting my hair has allowed me to accept my many other flaws, I love it and definitely feel more confident in myself.

  6. I love this topic...I never wanted my husband to see my hairs natural state. Now, I embrace my beautiful hair and no one can come between our relationship!!

  7. i agree and agree but all i see is you and the bobo...very fine yemezi..

  8. This is a great post and I was actually going to blog about it because its a question I always ask weave wearers when I'm sporting one i.e how do you deal with intimate moments wearing a weave? I always particularly want to ask this question when I am seeing a white guy (because I always irrationally feel that black guys or more importantly Naija guys 'know the deal') But with white guys I always fear that in the throes of passion they will dig into my 'hair'and hit the tracks and then I'll have some unsexy explaining to do...
    For the first time last year I had my hair out for a while and rocked its afroness (as I'd done damage to it with the weaves, braids etc)and I was starting to get confident but now its back in a weave in a style I love and the guy I'm seeing loves it too. But next week the weave has to go and I'm going to have to face my hair demons...tsigh

  9. lol @myfashionslashlife. I can relate to the intimate, track-feeling moments. I'm only just learning to embrace my natural doesn't hurt that the guy I'm with likes to dig his fingers thru it! He says he loves the fact that I wash my hair everyday when I don't have braids or a weave on, and he likes not having to deal with hair strands everywhere. #Winning!